I’m a Crow fan. No, like, I’m that guy:
My license plate was even Crow related. Although in a painful twist, it was The Crow 2, because apparently someone in Illinois beat me to The Crow 1. More on why that hurt a little later.
That being said, I’ve have never been a guy clamoring for a remake of The Crow, which came out when I was 13 years old and became a nearly nightly staple of my high school bedtime ritual. When I say I’ve watched it a thousand times, it is not an exaggeration. No wonder I didn’t get married until I was 39.
When they announced a remake, I firmly fell into the camp of “I’ll go watch it, but I’m not super pumped”. I also try hard to not see other reviews before watching something, but I did see before going this was getting a 19 on Rotten Tomatoes. That is Oof territory. Still, I did go see it in the theater, something I only got to do with the original long after originally released. Luckily, the Tivoli in St. Louis use to do midnight showings ever October.
The remake is only sort of a remake. They did not try to recreate the first movie. It is the same character names, similar overall arching themes. Set the wrong things right. Love is vengeance. Vengeance is love. Etc.
But the similarities really end there, if you are trying to compare it only to the original movie. They could have named this moving something else, renamed the characters and been an hour into this before anyone knew this was another Crow movie.
And I actually think it would have scored higher on critic reviews if it was named something else. Don’t get me wrong. This movie is not great. I would not call it even good, but a 19 is harsh. It probably deserves a 40-45 or so. Filter out the comparisons and the “this is IP rape” reviews, and it probably lands around there. It was…okay. That being said, this was a movie that probably does not get a theatrical release if not for its name.
Criticisms
The acting was not great, but it also was not Iggy Pop or Tito Ortiz bad. Despite the first act is all Eric and Shelly’s relationship before their death (can’t call it a spoiler if it is a remake, right?), you still don’t get the sense of connection you do in the original. I never bought the soul mates unjustly torn from each other angle. I think that is just another testament to the range Brandon Lee showed in the first, because they did not devote nearly as much time to establishing the relationship in the first movie, yet you believed it more because you could see it on Brandon’s face. Bill Skarsgard and FKA twigs never quite pulled that off in this one.
The main bad underlings never did pop or establish themselves. I think we only learn one of their names, and she was mostly forgettable. That is an area where the Crow franchise has struggled, establishing the villains well. The exceptions there are the original and the TV show.
Likes
In saying that the franchise has struggled for Bads, Danny Hutson actually does fine in this. While they never actually get into it, Hutson’s Vincent Roeg is actually closer to the Serpent mythology from the TV show, a storyline I enjoyed quite a bit. Basically, that there was a sect aware of the Crow sect and it was an ancient war between the two. For a guy who had zero action scenes as the baddie, Hutson is just fine in the role.
The act three Opera House scene was easily the most fun part of the movie. The juxtaposition and parallels of the opera with the, ahem, ongoings outside, were fun. It was this scene where Skarsgard does excel as the brooding, unstoppable menace. Plus it had lots of gratuitous pulp that would have made even Fangoria blush a little.
Ranking
Overally, I would compare this to The Crow 2, which was only slightly bad, made worse by an awful Iggy Pop. It is certainly better than The Crow 3, and I still don’t acknowledge any others were made after 3.
So, tier rankings:
The Crow
The Crow: Stairway To Heaven
The Crow (2024)
The Crow 2
The Crow 3
Any other Crow movies that we don’t acknowledge that if they were ever made would probably cast Tito Ortiz or someone like that in it.
I Am Weez 