The Unofficial Cocaine Bear Soundtrack

Listen, I don’t know how you spent your Friday morning, but I spent mine making a playlist of songs that should be in the Cocaine Bear movie.

What is the Cocaine Bear movie, you ask? Well, where have you been? Check out this glorious trailer:

Based on a true story, because of course it is.

I can’t wait for this one. Does it look dumb as hell? Absolutely. I hope they lean into that. Make this campy as can be. My one regret so far is this movie is getting a theatrical release. Don’t get me wrong. Seeing it in a theater will be fine. But a Straight To TV release might have given us the best night of Twitter since the first Sharknado. That night is still what I consider the peak of the internet.

Anyway, I did what I normally do when given a few moments of thought. I made a playlist. I have not seen a tracklist for the movie yet, so here is what I would go with, so far:

If you have Spotify, here is the playlist.

There were two easy calls here, and then some theme-related stuff.

The two easy calls:

Obviously there have been a lot more songs written about cocaine than bears. Bears never fueled the entire music industry for a couple of decades, as far as I know.

If the bear’s first adrenaline-pumped freakout to the movie is not to some Crue, I’m chalking that up as a lost opportunity:

Of course Jimmy Buffett has a song about a bear:

“My eyes was a lot redder than his was.” I feel ya, brother.

They get bonus points if they pull off turning this into a Pablo Escobar prequel.

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