Listen, I don’t know how you spent your Friday morning, but I spent mine making a playlist of songs that should be in the Cocaine Bear movie.
What is the Cocaine Bear movie, you ask? Well, where have you been? Check out this glorious trailer:
I can’t wait for this one. Does it look dumb as hell? Absolutely. I hope they lean into that. Make this campy as can be. My one regret so far is this movie is getting a theatrical release. Don’t get me wrong. Seeing it in a theater will be fine. But a Straight To TV release might have given us the best night of Twitter since the first Sharknado. That night is still what I consider the peak of the internet.
Anyway, I did what I normally do when given a few moments of thought. I made a playlist. I have not seen a tracklist for the movie yet, so here is what I would go with, so far:
If you have Spotify, here is the playlist.
There were two easy calls here, and then some theme-related stuff.
The two easy calls:
Obviously there have been a lot more songs written about cocaine than bears. Bears never fueled the entire music industry for a couple of decades, as far as I know.
If the bear’s first adrenaline-pumped freakout to the movie is not to some Crue, I’m chalking that up as a lost opportunity:
Of course Jimmy Buffett has a song about a bear:
“My eyes was a lot redder than his was.” I feel ya, brother.
They get bonus points if they pull off turning this into a Pablo Escobar prequel.