Time to examine this week’s autopsy report in football.

The rankings have been updated, the betting slips have been shredded, and fan bases across America have finished staring blankly at box scores trying to determine exactly how that happened.

Except this week, the morgue is empty.

College Football: No Bodies on the Table

For the inaugural edition of This Week In Losing Football, the AP Top 25 pulled off something rather inconvenient for the premise: not a single ranked team lost to an unranked opponent, and no ranked team lost at all except No. 24 Louisville, which fell to another ranked team, No. 9 Ole Miss.

That game qualifies under our rules.

No. 24 Louisville: Ole Miss 41, Louisville 38

AP ranking: No. 24 Louisville
Opponent: No. 9 Ole Miss
Result: Ole Miss 41, Louisville 38
Betting line: Ole Miss -6.5 in widely available pregame markets
Opponent status: Ranked No. 9

This one belongs in the autopsy report, although Louisville did not exactly arrive at the morgue unexpectedly. The Cardinals entered as the lower-ranked team and roughly a touchdown underdog against No. 9 Ole Miss, so this was less upset and more failed coup attempt.

Louisville nearly pulled it off anyway.

Ole Miss led 38-24 with about six minutes remaining before the Cardinals produced a frantic fourth-quarter comeback, using explosive passes to erase the two-touchdown deficit and tie the game at 38. The problem was that Louisville left just enough blood in the patient for Trinidad Chambliss and the Rebels to work with.

Chambliss directed the final possession into field-goal range, and Lucas Carneiro drilled a 48-yard field goal as time expired to prevent overtime and give Ole Miss the 41-38 victory.

Cause of death: Too much time left.

Louisville’s comeback was impressive enough that the loss feels different from the usual entry in this column. The Cardinals did not get exposed or overwhelmed. They dragged a top-10 opponent into the final seconds and erased a 14-point deficit before Ole Miss produced the game’s final answer.

For bettors, Louisville at least provided the consolation prize. The Cardinals covered the roughly 6.5-point spread despite losing outright.

Elsewhere, the ranked carnage simply never arrived. No. 4 Notre Dame handled Wisconsin 41-13, No. 17 Washington beat Washington State 24-10, and No. 19 SMU survived Florida State 27-24 despite turning the ball over four times and being gifted a statistical oddity of a game in which FSU went just 2-for-15 on third down and was outgained 585-324.

And then there was Michigan.

The Wolverines deserve an honorary toe tag.

No. 16 Michigan entered as approximately a 27.5-point favorite against Western Michigan and needed a disputed replay decision that restored one second to the clock, followed by a 47-yard Bryce Underwood-to-J.J. Buchanan Hail Mary, to escape 13-12. Michigan turned the ball over repeatedly and came within one tick of producing the first truly spectacular corpse of the season.

Official cause of death: None.

Condition upon discharge: Miraculous.

NFL: The Morgue Is Not Open Yet

There are no qualifying NFL games this week because the 2026 regular season has not started.

The league’s opening game is Wednesday, Sept. 9, when New England visits Seattle. There were no NFL regular-season games between Sept. 3 and Sept. 8, so there cannot yet be any +3.5-or-greater underdogs who won outright.

That changes next week.

Beginning with the next edition, this section will track every NFL team that closed as an underdog of 3.5 points or more and won outright, with the biggest underdogs appearing first. We will look beyond the final score at turnover margin, yards per play, explosive plays, sacks and pressure, third- and fourth-down performance, special teams and anything else that explains how the favorite wound up on the slab.

For Week 1, though, the football coroner has a remarkably light workload.

One ranked loser. Zero major college upsets. Zero NFL games.

Enjoy it while it lasts. College football rarely keeps the morgue this tidy.